Tuning

I heard this on the radio this morning driving to work, and it really resonated with me (pun not intended, but apt nonetheless). Paul, this post is for you.

Tuning by Christine Rhein. Reprinted from the Writer's Almanac.

I try to tune out the boom! boom! boom!
from the shooting range two miles from my house,
and think of the people who live next door

to the targets, or in the din of London and Berlin
where nightingales now sing fourteen decibels louder
to be heard by mates, quintupling the pressure

in their lungs. I've never heard a nightingale,
but I know noise came from nausea, and bulls-
eye names the goal for some blurry desire.

Bullseye is a band in Norway playing gung-ho rock and roll,
like the kid down the street whose car speakers rumble
through his closed windows and mine,

drums pummeling our insides. If I told him I once hiked
among redwoods, heard ghostly calls in the stillness,
branches somewhere in the canopy sky

moaning as they swayed, would he say Cool
or Whatever, the way my sons have mumbled it,
intending that I shouldn't—or maybe should—hear,

all talk target practice, ricochet and sashay, headache
and heartache, duck and cover. In a fable, Lion realizes
too late his vulnerability, the tunnel of his ear,

tiny Mosquito zooming in. Out beyond Pluto, Voyager's
golden disc offers mud pots, thunder, footsteps,
a Brandenburg Concerto and Johnny B. Goode.

Was the very first song a hum or a shout, laughter
or weeping? When my friend, at forty, praised
her cochlear implants, she complained about work,

the ringing office phones—How do people concentrate?
I consider her vacations—wind surfing, rock climbing,
marathons—how different now that she hears

each splash and scrape, the huh of heavy exhalation.
I wish I could adorn my ears the way warriors in India did,
with metallic green beetle wings, an iridescent

clacking and tinkling at the Feast of Courage. Imagine
if we could hear bread rising, dew forming, the budding
of raspberries, the tear of a cocoon, a minnow's pulse,

our own cells growing, dying. When my husband
kisses my ear, I love the swoosh, the quiver, his breath
sand driven by wind, my whispered name.

I Want My Two Dollars!

Earlier this week I requested a refund for some software I'd mistakenly purchased. The refund terms included the following:

If you need a refund on a downloadable product, please click here to request a refund. You will then be emailed a Letter of Destruction. You must accept the terms of the Letter of Destruction in order to receive your refund.
If I were to collect several of these notices, could I be sanctioned for harboring Mass Letters of Destruction?

Alphabetically Speaking


The J to K transition in my DVD library reads like a testament to the powers of abstinence-based sex education:

  • Juno
  • Killer Condom
  • Knocked Up

Separated at Birth?



Hellboy 2's Angel of Death and The Lord of the Ring's Mouth of Sauron

Gee, it's Been a While...

I don't have much in the way of excuses, it's just I haven't felt much like writing. It's as if I've settled in well enough here now that I'm busy living life, rather than thinking about how to write about it, and actually that's been pretty nice.

Summer has flown by faster than I'd ever imagined possible, but my schedule has been flexible enough that I've been able to really enjoy it. I've had the chance to spend a lot of time with friends, and that is very much where I've wanted to be. The flower beds are overrun with weeds, we've made it maybe half-way through the list of house projects, and my new exercise regimen didn't happen. And for the most part, I'm OK with all of that, lazy git that I am. On the other hand, I have:

  • Read and helped to edit a friend's novel
  • Received my motorcycle license
  • Buzzed around Chittneden County on a very manly scooter (Ciao!)
  • Enjoyed many a cranberry-almond bar from the New Moon
  • Royally wracked myself playing a game called Hunker-Hauser, involving two stumps and a rope. Don't ask.
  • Done a little canoeing
  • Gone skinny-dipping in very cold quarry ponds
  • Heard both Garrison Keillor and Dan Savage speak in front of a live audience (on somewhat different topics)
  • Eaten corn dogs of varied quality
  • Found my lost license plate, thoughtfully attached to a tree branch hovering over our road
  • Seen a fox, a coyote, plenty of roadkill, and more than enough video of Sarah Palin to last me a lifetime
  • Seen my first episode of Project Runway
  • Been sucked onto Facebook, mainly by the lure of Scrabulous, the Great and Terrible
  • Gone into mourning when they took Scrabulous away from me
  • Purchased a summer's worth of eggs, chickens, and veggies straight from the farm
  • Learned how to bake a cheese souffle
  • Watched Juno at least half a dozen times
  • Used my displeased manager voice more than once, asking things such as "What is your backup plan?", and "Would you find that acceptable if you were in my place?"
  • Seen photos of an operation performed by my brother, leading me to strongly reconsider before asking the question "Removed any interesting tumors lately?" anytime in the near future.
  • Been surrounded by thousands of fireflies
  • Sung a little karaoke, for better and for worse
  • Eaten a bratwust grilled by a naked man (you may ask, but I'm not telling)
  • Realized that yes, Winter is the better time for leaving Vermont
  • Begun already looking forward to Autumn, homemade soups, and freshly baked bagels

Have Grammar? Not Any More.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, attaching flexible magnetic backing to three or four of my favorite bumper stickers so I could arrange them on the back door of the MINI without actually gluing them to the paint or bumper. But I realized this week that sometime over the past couple of months, they've all disappeared. Doh!

Surely, a malicious petty theft such as this would never happen here in Vermont. Undoubtedly they were swiped by a greedy English teacher from Connecticut or New Hampshire who happened to see my car parked downtown and couldn't resist herself.

So, now I have a clean slate work with, several new sheet magnets, and a pointed reminder to remove the magnets from the back of my car before going through the car wash. But I will have to order another one of these from Cafe Press. Hopefully I'll be able to find the hi-res graphic that I used.