Day 13: Danville, AR/Springfield, MO

Well, Simon has lost his innocence.

No, our dog didn't get laid -- that's not really in the cards, as he's missing some key equipment. Though the breeder did "collect a specimen" from him before he was fixed, I doubt that carries the same thrill.

After three years of working himself into a frenzy over the multitude of squirrels that tease him from just outside his reach, he finally caught up with one. Yes, our pup has tasted blood. So far, he does not show any signs of transforming into a ravenous, murdering beast, but he does seem to be a little more perky than usual when he spots something small, furry, and mobile.

The sacrifice happened at a deserted playground, and Simon was startled, then amazed, then very proud. He shook it a lot. Paul had to wash small, bloody, squirrel head prints off of Simon's head and neck. Two hours later as we were ready to head out, he bolted from the car to retrieve his trophy from the ditch down the road, ran a 20-second victory lap around the block, and brought Sparky up to the house to show to everyone.

Don't worry, we didn't think to get a picture.

On the way to Springfield we stopped in Fayetteville to check out a potential site for next year's Hawkins family reunion. It's a Methodist camp of some sort with many cabins named for southern states (can you call it a cabin if it's made of brick?), bunk-filled dormitories, meeting halls, shade trees, and hymnals. I think we'll be safe there from Jason and his hockey mask.

Oh, and I know that many of you have been laying awake at night wondering what ever happened to Yakoff "What a Country!" Smirnoff... Well, rest easy. He is alive and well and performing in Branson, MO. It's a Southern version of Las Vegas without the gambling. Come back Yakoff, we miss you!

Today's award for the best billboard goes to God, who is evidently taken to direct advertising along with the competition (see Day 5). We don't have a picture of this one, so you'll have to use your imagination. Picture a typical beer ad, featuring a scantily clad, busty woman holding up a can of Bud Lite. Now replace the scantily clad, busty woman with a wise-but-caring man with a long white beard. Kind of like Santa, but with longer hair. Now, replace the can of beer with a can of God. Now add the slogan: "God Can!"

What a country!

A man and his mower